How do I write to a Femdom Mistress? – Tips and no-go’s

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Femdom Dating
Illustration by: MsGrata

I get messages sent to me again and again from subs or slave candidates, which are ubeneath contempt. I often wonder if the sender seriously expects an answer from me?

“Hey, how are you?” or “Hi” are still the more harmless variants. Some subs ask me directly if I would do this or that with them. Others, in turn, immediately offer me money to work off their wish lists.

So, the spectrum ranges from unimaginative and unmotivated, to rude and disrespectful.

Maybe one or the other doesn’t mean any harm and just doesn’t know how to write to his future mistress so that she would be willing to answer.

Since every slave deserves to find a mistress, I would like to give you a few tips on how to make contact, and at the end show a few fails (no-go‘s).

The salutation

Every message should begin with a greeting that includes the lady’s name. A “Hi Miss Cheetah” is better than just “Hi”, even if it doesn’t get you anywhere.

It is scientifically proven that we humans immediately recognize our own name in a text and pay special attention to it.

Many men can’t imagine it, but we women are literally flooded with messages on dating platforms. So, you have to stand out right away if you want to have even the slightest chance of a response.

When a woman on a dating platform opens her mailbox again after several days, the messages that start with her own name will catch her eye more than those that only start with a “Hi, …”.

So, always write her name in the salutation and you will increase your chances that your message will be read at all.

Know your place

Do not start demanding anything! Do not demand anything! Instead, first express that you are fully aware that you are one among many.

Show understanding that an answer can take a while. If you even think of expressing any wishes, even entire wish lists, you can be sure that no one will answer you.

Be Funny

Don’t take yourself so seriously. This has less to do with dating a femdom, but women like it when you can be funny and laugh at yourself too. This is especially true for a prospective slave.

With all the Dom and sub behavior, you should always be aware that it is a game, or at least has the character of a game. Even if you live a 24/7 D/s relationship in which there is a TPE (Total-Power-Exchange), the whole thing can only work as long as both are still “playing along”.

I don’t want to advise you to not take this seriously. Never try to make jokes about your mistress, or even a cheeky “topping from the bottom” (unless this is desired). But also give your desired mistress the space to not always be dead serious. You can do this best by signaling that you don’t consider yourself super serious or important either.

Boredom

Nothing is a bigger love killer than boredom. So, don’t let it arise in the first place. Don’t make the one mistake that almost 95% of all slave candidates make. Don’t ask stupid, boring questions.

“How are you?”, would be just one example. Don’t do that, what would they answer except: “Ok thanks for passing the boredom test”.

Even worse, “What are you doing here on this platform?” So, you’re not in a position to have a conversation and you’re throwing the ball to me first? Thanks for the conversation – Ciao! 

Attempts to seduce

You can not expect that your fetishes are worked off strictly according to wish lists. Quite the opposite! For something like that you should look for a professional dominatrix anyway.

It’s not about what a dominant woman can do for you, it’s about what you can do for her.

You should already be leading the lady in the cover letter before her eyes, what fun she will have with you, or what enrichment you are for her life. You want to be dominated, so try from the beginning to give something! Of course, I do not mean money, even if small gifts and attention belong in every relationship between man and woman.

If you have experience, talk about it

If you already have experience as a slave, then talk about it. Many slave candidates just want to try out the submissive side. Of course, you have little interest in someone like that as a femdom.

Basically, these are just guys who are too stingy and cowardly to look for a professional dominatrix.

After all, you want to have something longer with a slave, if you already invest time in a meeting or a session. Ultimately, as a woman, you have just as little desire for a one-night session as you do for a one-night stand. You feel exploited when the slave only wants to be played with once.

So, if you already have experience as a scalper, or even if you have been in a femdom relationship before, then talk about it from the beginning so the desired lady knows immediately that you mean it and know what you want.

Also, in the BDSM area, those who know what they want are always the men in advantage.

Examples of how not to do it:

Here are a few examples of typical no-go‘s, which I have to read again and again.

I want to be kept chaste by you! – Wrong!

Unfortunately, many gentlemen are very quick to submit in this way, but at least they mean what they write.

Usually, the spectacle is over after a few days and the muzzlers quickly disappear into nirvana.

Do you need another slave? – Wrong!

I read this sentence in at least every 3rd message. What’s going on with you guys? As if a woman would really need to look for a slave for a long time. Of course I don’t need one, nobody needs one. You only WANT a new slave, but you never need one, and no woman has to wait for offers.

What are you looking for here? – Dumbest question ever!

Whoever asks such a question unfortunately has very little understanding. How should I answer such a question? As on all other dating platforms, we do not search for men. We let ourselves be found and then we choose.

Want to do …. with me? – Ouch, heavy fail!

Some men write me directly in the first message saying that I should tie them to the bed and do xy with them. Then this, that, and the other. Seriously? So, you want me to work off a script for you? Forget it!

Can I lick your feet? – Even more stupid!

If I were looking for someone to lick my feet, it would cost me exactly 10 minutes of work, because I can find someone like that on the next street corner. It takes a little more to impress me! In addition, no woman is on it to let a random stranger lick her feet, it takes a little more.

Do you want a collection with sample texts?

So, I hope I could help the men out there at least a little bit. At least after reading this post, you should know how to formulate a cover letter a little better in the future!

I am currently thinking about uploading a collection of the best cover letters I have received so far. That would certainly be helpful as inspiration for one or the other.

Are you interested? Let me know in the comments!

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